Patton Oswalt Tweets Downton Abbey

Ken AshfordPopular CultureLeave a Comment

 "I never had an Anna to braid MY hair." — Willie Nelson, feeling maudlin on the tour bus. 

Edith just threw down in a 1916 equivalent of Russ Meyers' SUPERVIXENS. #DowntonPBS

Sorry ladies, for the earlier Molesley tweet. And Molesley? You do NOT mack on Bates' shorty. #TeamBates #DowntonPBS

"My hobbies are croquet, pressing flowers and failing to say what I mean." — Mary. #DowntonPBS

May I make a prediction? Matthey Crawley marries Mary and becomes the first host of the DAILY SHOW. #DowntonPBS

Mary is wearing a dress TWICE?!?! Well, there IS a war on. #DowntonPBS

"I may not be your superior in a Mayfair ballroom…" I have GOT to use that sometime. SOON. #DowntonPBS

Goddamit, now I like Thomas again. #DowntonPBS

"I pulled a child's belly skin over my bare skull for this walk. I hope you don't mind." — Sir Richard. #DowntonPBS

I wish I'D had a Carson when I was a gorgeous, 21 year-old heiress!#DowntonPBS

"MAIDS in the dining room? This is like watching FACES OF DEATH." – @timheidecker, just now. #DowntonPBS

Oh FUCK you, Edith! Fuck your crappy, peplum-effect plum dress and HELP CARSON! #DowntonPBS

Damn, Maggie Smith refuses sauce like a GANGSTA! #DowntonPBS

@pattonoswalt William and Daisy sex would be all elbows, chins, and pardons.

I forgot how much I love British people's pronunciation of "left-enant."#DowntonPBS

Smashing show, Thomas: I fucking hate you again. #DowntonPBS

I want to see The Dowager Countess & O'Brien in a Withering Stare Cage Match. #DowntonPBS

Wait, did they hire H.P. Lovecraft as the new Downton valet? #MrLang #DowntonPBS

Everyone in Mumford and Sons wishes they had that farmer's hat. #DowntonPBS

Mr. CARSON, what are you pulling on?!?! Oh, a wine work. Sorry. Never mind. #DowntonPBS

"Will this war effect my hat choices?" — every woman in the village. #DowntonPBS

rosannecash rosanne cash 

 by pattonoswalt

Did I mention that Vera Bates is DEAD TO ME? #TeamAnna #DowntonPBS

Here's how brilliant DOWNTON ABBEY is: I feel protective and anxious for an absolute shit like Thomas. #DowntonPBS

I've done one-nighters in Ohio worse than these trenches in the Somme. #DowntonPBS

Good Lord, I feel sorry for Thomas. #DowntonPBS

Hey ladies? Molesly's hot, too. #DowntonPBS

If they remake ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, I elect Maggie Smith to play Snake Plissken. #DowntonPBS

Dear Julian Fellowes — no way to have someone in the background yell, "Baldrick!" during the trench scene? #DowntonPBS

Daisy and William are an adorable couple, but I don't want to watch them fuck. #DowntonPBS

Okay, Bates? You're being a little too goddamn tragic right now. The game is the game. #DowntonPBS

Any self-respecting AgathaChristie villain would strychnine the fuck out of a cup of Assam and solve the "mad wife" poser. #DowntonPBS

Wait, why am I hearing distant traffic? How has L.A. not completely shut down while DOWNTON ABBEY is on? #DowntonPBS

Second Law of Service: A servant shall not allow a scone to go stale, unless it conflicts with The First Law. #DowntonPBS

Mary's sad eyes at the train station are every Belle & Sebastian album at once. #DowntonPBS

Did the Dowager Countess ever throw down in rap battles at Osborn High School in Detroit? #DowntonPBS

Are they hazing the new maid? #DowntonPBS

Woo Maids The Bates Way — THE Christmas bestseller of 2012. #DowntonPBS

I was given a white feather when I refused an extra order of Crazy Bread from Little Ceasar's. #DowntonPBS

Carson & Mrs. Hughes — twice the sexual tension of David & Maddie on MOONLIGHTING. #DowntonPBS

Wait, when did Matthew join Prince's band circa 1984? #DowntonPBS

"I want to rub my face on that goddamn wallpaper." – @aimeemann, just now. #DowntonPBS

morgan_murphy Morgan Murphy 

 by pattonoswalt

Downtown Abbey makes white nerds tweet like Kanye.

Sybil is the Silverlake/Park Slope trust-funder of 1916. #DowntonPBS

Bates! Walking through train steam! (Should've played him on with Zeppelin's "Black Dog") #iloveBates #DowntonPBS

"Maggie Smith's eyes look CGI." – @MPenn, just now. #DowntonPBS

Nobody lurks like O'Brien! #DowntonPBS

"Sometimes, it feels as if all the men I've ever danced with are dead." Me too, Sybil! #DowntonPBS

DOWNTON ABBEY — it's STAR TREK for tea drinkers! #DowntonPBS

Wait, the Dowager Countess reads Arthur Conan Doyle? #lostworld #DowntonPBS

Maggie Smith is the Brother Mouzone of withering quips. #DowntonPBS

Where are Mrs. Patmore's Janis Joplin sunglasses? #DowntonPBS

@MPenn, sitting next to me right now: "I WANT THAT CAR! I WANT THAT CAR!" #DowntonPBS

I would pay $1000 to watch Elizabeth McGovern butter toast. #DowntonPBS

Oh I DON'T like this new maid's attitude! #DowntonPBS

Can't believe they couldn't manage an Cpt. Edmund Blackadder cameo in the cold open. #DowntonPBS