For LOST Fans

Ken AshfordBloggingLeave a Comment

You might enjoy this blog, entitled at the aptyl-named

It's a blog about the last season of LOST from the perspective of someone who has never seen an episode of LOST prior to this season.  Here's her recap of this season's first episode (she mistakenly refers to Jack as "Jake"):

These people are stuck on an island.  They tried detonating a bomb to disrupt a space time continuum, which is 100 times better than using a boat when trying to get somewhere.  The bombing didn’t work (or did it?!?!?! it didn’t.) so now everyone is dying left and right and everyone is mad at Jake because his plan didn’t work. Juliette is trapped under a bunch of steel. How’d she get there?  She fell down a hole, survived, and then beat an H-bomb (according to my cable TV episode guide) with a rock til it blew up.    Sawyer seems pretty grouchy about the whole thing.  Juliette dies.  Meanwhile, the Indian guy got shot but they just ignored him even though he was coughing up blood and still had a chance to live.  I guess they figured since Juliette was at the center of a bomb detonation, they had less time to save her.

This island also has ghosts of people who died in Westside Storyesque knifefights (Jacob) or bald people (John).  The ghosts are of differing helpfulness.  The Jacob ghost tells the fat guy to take the dead Indian to a hole in a temple and not to forget the guitar case.  That sounds like the beginning of a joke or one of those sentences that contains every letter of the alphabet.  The John ghost turns out to be “the monster” according to the weinery guy.  The monster starts busting skulls on some henchmen who come in to find Jacob.

The Jake Gang takes the shot dude to a temple via VW Van.  There, an Asian guy who hates English so much he won’t speak it busts open a cross to get a love note.  When the Jake Gang finds out it says they’re all in trouble if the Indian dude dies, everyone in the Jake Gang gets a look on their face that says “Uh oh.  Maybe we should have paid attention to him instead of spending 8 hours getting Juliette out from the rubble.”  Don’t worry though, the Asian guy just drowns him in a hot tub, sets off a firework, and low and behold, the Indian guy is good as new.  The end.

Thoughts I Have

  • Everyone seems unfairly angry at Jake.  If you pitched an idea to me that involved setting off an H-bomb on an island, you’d have to have A LOT of factual support for me to go along with it.  And if it didn’t work, well, I don’t think I have much right to point the finger.
  • Where’d all these modern amenities come from? They used flashlights that I assume use D batteries.  I have a hard time finding those in a major city.  Also, they have beer.
  • I can’t get over the fact that they ignored the Indian dude and let him die.
  • For a deserted island there are an awful lot of people.
  • Bloody kisses are gross.  If I was Sawyer I would have killed time until Juliette died so I wouldn’t have to swap platelets.
  • While on the Sawyer topic, why is he helping a fugitive escape the TSA?
  • Everyone is pretty well kept for having been on an island.  Even Richard looks like he has his supply of eyeliner.
  • When the plane landed I was expecting a cut shot to an autistic kid playing with an island snow globe.