NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – A memoir by former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin will be published this November, with an English translation due shortly thereafter, her publisher confirmed today.
According to Carol Foyler, a spokesperson for the publisher, translators are working "around the clock" to translate Ms. Palin's text into English.
"We have hired the best linguists in the country, but this is still hard work," Ms. Foyler acknowledged. "It must have been easier to crack the Enigma code in World War II."
Ms. Foyler said that the publishing company was "delighted" with Ms. Palin's manuscript and "deeply relieved that she didn't quit in the middle of it."
400 pages. In four months.
And no, Sarah didn't write it. It's no secret that the actual author is someone named Lynn Vincent who co-wrote Donkey Cons: Sex, Crime, and Corruption in the Democratic Party.
Other reactions, compiled by The New Yorker:
“Many in the mainstream media will also be eager to see how the Republican hockey mom praises them for their objective portrayals of her—and, indeed, her entire family—all last fall.”—L.A. Times Top of the Ticket
“Harper … has moved the release date up from the spring to November 17. That gives Palin followers just less than two months to learn how to read.”—Faded Youth
“I’ve come to learn that if Palin is involved in anything in any way, shape, or form, then the chance of batshit insane things happening increases exponentially. Even if it’s her dictating her “life story” to a ghostwriter. She is like the King Midas of batshit crazy.”—Balloon Juice
“The world will discover the true Sarah Palin and the truth to which we have not heretofore had access. She will give the public her own unfiltered message—untainted by the likes of the agenda-ridden mainstream media. You might want to get in line now.”—Sarah's Web Brigade
“The book was slated for the spring, but was finished so why not get it out in time for holiday sales?”—Elect-SarahPalin.com
“She needs the money sooner because her handler, Meg Stapleton, screwed up the negotiations for last week’s Hong Kong speaking debut by inadvertently agreeing that Palin would be compensated in Chinese Renminbis rather than U.S. Dollars.”—Lynnrockets
“Sarah Palin finishes memoir, a 400 page pop-up book. Comes with free Crayons, Palin-English dictionary, aspirin.”—Muck Rack
“In lieu of sanctions, copies of former US Vice President hopeful Sarah Palin's memoir 'Going Rogue' will be air dropped over the entire country of Iran. The US State Department commented, "If we cannot starve them, we will bore them to death.”—Trans Talk
“I guess ‘Goin’ All Mavericky’ was taken?”—Beach Peanuts
“Normally I don’t like political books with a lot of photos, but this is an exception. There’s nothing I like more than a girl with a plan … especially when that girl is Sarah Palin.”—Be John Gault
“Remember how I have been warning that she was going to be free to roll around the country like a loose cannon? Well, that time has come upon us, just in time for the 2010 campaign stumping.”—God's Own Party?