An Open Letter To Walmart’s Lawyers

Ken AshfordCourts/LawLeave a Comment


I can't imagine any earthly reason why I would want to follow Walmart's tweets on Twitter.  Believe me, there is nothing Walmart can say — especially in 140 characters or less — that would be of the slightest interest to me.

But, I recognize that I am powerless to stop the aging process which results in a slow slide into dementia.  I also recognize that, conceivably, I could get whacked in the head by a falling piano, lose all my senses, and start behaving erratically.  In other words, it is theoretically possible, albeit unlikely, that I may someday choose to follow Walmart's tweets on Twitter.  Perhaps I will center my entire life around Walmart's wonderful little missives — who knows?

Should that happen someday, I hope you will forgive me if I avoid reading and agreeing to your stupid "Twitter External Discussion Policy" as well as your 3,379 word long "Walmart's Twitter Terms of Use", pictured (partially!) below.  

You need to realize that you're asking me to read the equivalent of 30 full-length tweets (and excruciatingly dull ones, at that) just to get permission to read a single actual tweet.  You get that, right?

What I'm trying to say is this: Dudes, get over yourselves.  It's just Twitter, for chrissakes.

Hugs and Kisses,