Pat Boone Cannot Tell The Truth

Ken AshfordHistory, Right Wing Punditry/IdiocyLeave a Comment

Lot of really good over-the-top anti-Obama wingnuttery these days. 

Over at Renew America, Marie Jon No-More-Apostrophe has penned her solution to deal with Obama in a piece entitled "How do we stop Communism? Pray!"

And Sher "It Appears That" Zieve is still using her favorite rhetorical devices — capital letters and the phrase "it appears that" — to gin up the coming ObamaArmageddon.  Here's an example:

By the way, ObamaCare will also him to control virtually all of the actions — what we can and cannot eat, do, say, think etc. — of American citizens. It will also allow him and his adherents to ultimately decide who will live and who will die. This will be called ObamaTotalControl.

But I'm kind of partial to Pat Boone's brand of earnest lunacy, which is found in his latest Newsmax column, "Obama Should Emulate George Washington's Truthfulness".  He starts out:

I doubt that it’s ever taught in school today, because it seems that the National Education Association has different ideas about what our kids need to know.

What is "it"?  Pat's going to tell us:

But most adults over 40 surely are familiar with the story about young George Washington, who had been given a small hatchet for his birthday.

Yes, Pat.  The kids NEED to know made-up stories about the founding fathers instead of this shit.

Eager to try it out, the boy looked for something to hack (the word had a different meaning in our forefathers' days). And he found it — a little cherry tree. When his father found that a perfectly good cherry tree had been destroyed, he asked George whether he knew what had happened.

“Father, I cannot tell a lie,” said the future first president of the United States of America. “I did it.”

Yeah, I think it is important to teach kids not to tell a lie, too.  But we kind of undercut the lesson when we use a story which is itself a lie, don't we?

An insignificant story, perhaps, just a little morality tale for kids. No one today can verify whether it actually happened. I, for one, believe it did, mainly because if its apparent insignificance.

In other words, if it has significance, it really happened.  Really, that's all it takes. 

If there weren’t a factual basis for the story, who would make it up?

Um, this guy maybe?

Mason Locke Weems (October 11, 1756 – May 23, 1825), generally known as Parson Weems, was an American printer and author. He is best known as the source of some of the apocryphal stories about George Washington, including the famous tale of the cherry tree ("I cannot tell a lie, I did it with my little hatchet"). The Life of Washington, Weems' most famous work, contained the story. Creating a moral tale to emphasize a character trait was a commonly used literary device in 18th century biographies.

Emphasis mine.  But back to Pat:

Surely a fableist would conjure up something more dramatic than a little boy cutting down a cherry tree with his new hatchet.

Surely.  After all, is there a book more gripping and dramatic than Aesop's Fables?

But what makes it significant is that it underscores, from a very early age, the character of the man who became our first president — and a role model for all who would follow him into that office. His honesty never was questioned throughout his distinguished military career, his political leadership, and his virtually unanimously elected two terms as president of the United States.

His slaves also never questioned his honesty.  Oh, sorry.  Why did I have to bring that up?

In fact, his admiring friend Thomas Jefferson wrote about Washington: “His integrity was the most pure, his justice the most inflexible I have ever known. He was, in every sense of the word, a wise, a good, and a great man.”

That was just before Jefferson wrote about how "naturally irritable" Washington was.  No, really.

Is it any wonder, then, that parents and teachers have pointed to the man we call “the father of our country” for nearly 200 years as an example for our kids to emulate? That, too, makes the story of the apple tree meaningful and important: Children can understand the moral and learn a valuable lesson from their earliest years.

Oh, so now it's an apple tree?

Pat then compares Obama to George Washington — not the real George Washington, of course (which is an unfair comparison anyway) — but the fake hatchet-breaing, cherry-and-or-apple-tree-chopping George Washington.

I'm not exactly sure that Pat is any position to criticize the NEA or extol the virtues of truth in a column so riddled with inaccuracies.