Kiss The Girl

Ken AshfordRight Wing Punditry/Idiocy, Sex/Morality/Family Values1 Comment

I’m still vaguely aware of popular songs on the charts, although typically, I’m not in that demographic anymore.  When I heard of a song called "I Kissed A Girl", sung by a woman (Katy Perry), I knew it was only a matter of time before the moral majority heads would spin.  And now that it is #1 on the Billboard charts, we have a winner.

Okay…. let’s just see what we’re talking about, before we go on…

From the blog of OneNewsNow (the media arm of the National Family Association), columnist Johnnie Moore has some (incoherent) things to say.


by Johnnie Moore

Interesting title.  Nice phraseology.

Billboard Magazine just deemed Katy Perry’s debut single to be the “Song of Summer” after maintaining six straight weeks in the number one slot on their Hot 100’s chart.

What’s interesting is the song is anything, but “straight.”

Explanation of the joke:  See the song spent six straight weeks on the chart, but the song isn’t "straight", because it deals with girls kissing girls.  See, "straight" has multiple meanings.  Hahahaha!  Oh, that Johnnie Moore.  Such verbal wit.  Like Oscar Wilde…. although (presumably) not as gay.

It is, in fact, the next episode in the never-ending media agenda to make homosexual experimentation a kind of adolescent right of passage.

[UPDATE inspired by Bill’s comment:  Yeah, he wrote "right of passage".  Don’t worry.  It gets worse.]

I would like to know what if Johnnie really believes this.  How does this "agenda" come about?  Do people sit a room and plan this?  Do we have a bunch of media moguls, all dressed in feather boas and really nice shoes, sitting around a very stylish conference room table, asking each other, "Dammit!  We’re not doing enough to get teens to become gay!  What can we do?  Come on!  Think outside the box, people!"

To which one impeccably dressed executive named Steve says (in a faux foreign accent): "Why don’t we put a song out there, sung by a woman, about kissing another woman?" 

"No!" chimes in another.  "We’ve got to get the teens.  How about a girl kissing a girl?!?"

And so on….

This time, through lyrics like:
“drink in hand, lost my discretion…just wanna try you…I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chap stick, I kissed a girl just to try it, I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it, it felt so wrong, it felt so right, Don’t mean I’m in love tonight, I kissed a girl and I liked it…No, I don’t even know your name, it doesn’t matter, You’re my experimental game…”

In a July 23rd Chicago Sun-Times article entitled, “Even Mild Girls go Wild for ‘I Kissed a Girl’” the music director of a Chicago station said, “I think it’s just a fluffy, light novelty pop song that has a slightly edgy lyric.” He also said he’d only received about two complaints about the song. The Sun-Times says this new song is “capitalizing on the casual kissing epidemic sweeping a generation.”

Kissing epidemic?  Oh damn.  I wasn’t even aware.  Shoot, I miss all the good stuff….

In order to get the full picture of the implications of this number one hit you might consider following around an average middle school or high school student this weekend. No doubt, the song will be blaring in every tween or teen store in your local mall, and you’ll most definitely hear its lyrics incoherently sung through the lips of plenty of teenagers.

And when I’m arrested for stalking, I’m sure the police will understand.

"No, you see, officer… I was following that teenage girl around the mall because I wanted to see if she was going to kiss another girl like the song says.  Surely you can understand that.  It was totally innocent, I swear!"

Now, I’m no legalistic.

You’re no grammatical either.

My iTunes library has its share of secular music intermingled among the latest Christian tunes, and Podcasts of every shape and size, but I just can’t handle this one.

I wasn’t aware that Podcasts have shapes.  See, the things you learn from the Christian right….

How long will all these media moguls be allowed to sit around board room tables and make decisions that alter the healthy development of our nation’s kids?

Hey, he does think they sit around boardroom tables and concoct this stuff.

This weekend there will be many thousands of young girls who will “playfully” choose to “kiss a girl to try it” after they are nonchalantly coaxed by this “fluffy” hit.

"And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth."

Seriously, Johnnie.  Get a grip.  The song isn’t about lesbianism.  Nor does it promote it.  It’s merely about a girl kissing a girl to see what it is like.  And I respectfully suggest that if a kiss is enough to make a girl bat for the other team, she probably had those tendancies in the first place.

And by the way, girls kissing girls isn’t exactly new or novel.  I know many grown women, all of them straight, who "practiced" kissing as a teenager with a girlfriend on one occasion.  It happens.  There’s nothing titillating about it; there’s nothing condemnable about it either.

From the California Supreme Court’s decisions regarding marriage, to the skyrocketing popularity of this song, to the nearly non-stop introduction of the homosexual agenda into almost every facet of our culture, we are facing the rise of the most homosexually friendly generation in history.

How Johnnie longs for the good ol’ old days when gay-hating was the norm, and you could lynch people like Matthew Sheppard and nobody cared.

Homosexual experimentation is also an epidemic. This is the fruit of years of marketing that has literally altered the worldviews of our nation’s 80 million millenials.

You gotta sympathize with Johnnie.  Christianity and the moral values folks have engaged in centuries of marketing, and then along comes this upstart "gay agenda" with its cleverly placed GAP ads and #1 songs, totally undoing everything Christianity set out to do, and making girls kiss other girls.

Oh, by the way, Katy Perry’s real name is Katy Hudson. You might remember her from the 2001 album bearing her name on Red Hill records; it was a Christian album.

True.  And both her parents are preachers, too.  But still, they were no match for those evil media executives and their devious scheme to turn innocent god-fearing Katy Hudson into girl-kissing harlot Katy Perry.  NOW just look at her…


The vixon.

I have half a mind to follow her around the mall….

** BONUS **  Prediction of the decade, from, on Katy Hudson’s debut album:

Katy Hudson’s debut easily could have been just another teen songwriter mimicking mainstream music trends with Christian lyrics. Instead, I hear a remarkable young talent emerging, a gifted songwriter in her own right who will almost certainly go far in this business. That name again is Katy Hudson. Trust me, you’ll be hearing it more and more in the next year.

Well, yeah….