The Coveted Marie Jon Apostrophe Endorsement

Ken AshfordElection 2008, Right Wing Punditry/Idiocy1 Comment

Well, I guess one could say that I am flattered that syndicated columnist Marie Jon Apostrophe reads my blog, or, at least, my posts concerning her columns, even though she does nothing but leave cryptic comments.

It also looks like I may have gotten through to her.  For the first time in months, she’s written a column about Barack Obama that doesn’t mention that he is, you know, black and attended a black church where the pastor was black.  Blackity, black, black, black.

But yesterday’s Marie Jon Apostrophe column is ostensibly about John McCain, and why Marie Jon is going to vote for him.  Shorter version: Well, he’s the better candidate because he’s not Obama.

But let’s dive in:

McCain gets my vote

Nice title.  Catchy.  To the point.  This bodes well.

While some might be undecided on who to vote for this coming Election Day, for others it’s a no-brainer. Although the news media would like us to believe otherwise, there is still an enormous political gap between the Left and the Right.

I admit to being confused already.  I don’t think the news media is trying to make us believe there is no divide between the Left and the Right.  In fact, the media benefits from such a gap, since they can play out the whole "horse race" thing.  So I’m confused.  Perhaps a random out-of-left-field totally irrelevant quote by a 19th century British politician would help clarify.

    "Unlimited power is apt to corrupt the minds of those who possess it; and this I know, my lords, that where laws end, tyranny begins" — William Pitt

Nope.  No help at all.

The American people must wake up to the the facts. The Democratic Party has moved well to the left of liberalism, and Barack Obama is — by his record — as far left as one can get in the party.

And those are facts, people.

Sorry America, but we can’t afford an Obama presidency. It would be political and social mayhem having a Democrat House, Senate, Supreme Court and Executive branch.

Speaking of things we "can’t afford", we’ve had, in this decade, a Republican House, Senate, and Executive Branch (and a split Supreme Court), and we’ve run up huges deficits and debts.

For many decades the United States would be held under the sway of a very unjust, destructive force.

Ooga booga booga.

Our citizenry would have to deal with the extreme rulings of a Supreme Court gone wild.

As long as its on video.  Nothing like seeing a drunk Ruth Ginsberg showing us her ta-tas.

There would be no more checks and balances.

Little history here, Marie.  The concept of "checks and balances" was intended to mean that the various branches of government act as checks and balances — NOT THE PARTIES within each branch.  In fact, there were no political parties when the concept of "checks and balances" became the framework for the Constitution.

Liberal judges would change our country’s disposition. Even if Americans were roused from their lethargy and subsequently voted in a Republican president and Congress, it would be too late. They would not be able to neutralize the highest court of the land.

Like when that liberal Supreme Court desegregated schools?  Hell, we’re still paying for that.

Once a liberal Supreme Court is installed, all traditional values will be null and void. Everything will change to satisfy the progressives’ mind-set. Nothing would be sacrosanct, from the war against terror to the right to bear arms, late-term abortion and the varied definitions of marriage.

Late-term abortions are sacrosanct to Marie?  And war?  Huh.  Didn’t see that coming.

America needs a Republican president who will appoint judges to the Supreme Court without a litmus test. Only then can liberalism’s hold of our federal benches be defeated. Our country might then be spared from the dictates of a black-robed oligarchy.

Isn’t that a litmus test, Marie?  Making sure no liberals get on the bench?

Senator John McCain is not trying to run as a Ronald Reagan conservative. He is a maverick.

Where have I heard that before?  Oh, right.  From you, Marie.

Yet, even his worst critics understand that our nation would be much better off in the hands of President John McCain than President Barack Obama.

You didn’t seem to think so, Marie.  Here’s what you wrote about McCain a few months ago:

McCain agrees too often with the far left Democrats and allows them to erode conservatism. He has absolutely no compunction in siding with them when he wants to appear as a policy maker. Is it by chance that everything he initiates also has a Democrat’s name attached to it? He will say he is exhorting bipartisanship when in actuality; the maverick enjoys tweaking the nose of the party he probably should have departed a long time ago.

You still think we’re "much better off" in the hands of President John McCain?

Given this dire grim warning, be aware: Democrats will weaken our economy with their tax policies.

Because it’s doing so well now?  In any event, I addressed this in an earlier post today.

A progressive president in the White House will lead to more social and political changes. Many of Obama’s policies would become irreversible. "Change" for the sake of change without collective wisdom is unwise.

Obama claims that he is for change. Indeed, he changes his own political stances with each passing day. Which Barack are Americans voting for? He is so com se comsa. With his gifted, articulate tongue, he speaks disingenuously to perfection.

He also has the junna say qua that I can’t really describe.

Image crafting doesn’t have its risks for Obama. Most Democrats trust that if he is voted into office, anything he says that is contrary to what he stood for during the campaign will be shelved. As soon as he is sworn in as president, he will revert right back to his radical liberalism.

These are facts, people, derived from Marie Jon Apostrophe’s crystal ball about what the future will hold.

Democrats are not grumbling about changes they’ve heard Barack make in his political positions. They understand the game of posturing and pandering to the general electorate. The Rev.Jeremiah Wright had twenty years to mold his protégé.

Okay, can we have, say one example of Obama changing is political position?  And even if you can point to one, how are you and only you apparently able to tell which is his "true" position?

Finally, Marie, you really need to drop this Machurian candidate thing.  Obama and Wright were not that close.

Senator John McCain, however, can prevent this tragic wayward turn. He will not raise taxes or weaken the economy. He will reduce big government spending.

McCain is a promise-keeper whose presidency will ensure that America will win in Iraq. The new democracy will become a rich Arab nation, free from radical Islamic rule. The Iraqi people will always know that America stood behind them.

They will send us ponies and cotton candy.

Contrary to the propaganda of our own press, we are a humane people who want to help uphold Iraqi sovereignty. Our troops have given their lives to save people who once lived in fear of a hideous despot named Saddam Hussein.

Who has been dead for, what, two years?  So, uh….

As a result, we have reaped many as yet-unquantified dividends.

Assuming "we" are stockholders in Halliburton….

Every day that we spend in Iraq, we are protecting our homeland as well as bringing stability to the Middle East. We’ve won many hearts and minds in Iraq. Our troops have been both protectors and ambassadors of goodwill and freedom.

And I’ve addressed this earlier, too.  Seems like our military commander in Iraq — a person who ought to know — doesn’t agree with you there, Marie.

We will need another strategic plan for Afghanistan. America can put their faith in a war hero who has served in the military.

Sadly, that war hero you refer to — McCain — thinks we don’t need another plan for Afghanistan.

John McCain’s family is steeped in a patriotic history and tradition.

Like divorcing your wife after she gets in a debilitating car accident?

They have served their beloved country well. It should come as no surprise that the sons of John and Cindy are military men.

Ah, well.  He’s got my vote.

McCain will be a good steward of our recourses.

Good, because our "recourses", whatever they are, are getting out of hand.

Under his leadership, nuclear power and newly developed oil fields will become realities.

Finally.  After all these years, we’ll finally see nuclear power.

There will be many different energy strategies employed to help our nation back on its feet.


Gas prices will begin to tumble to meet the needs of the consumers’ pocketbooks as soon as the word is heard that we are taking care of business. There will be no years of waiting to see fuel prices come down. It is the Democrats who have long promoted doing nothing about finding new oil reserves, building nuclear plants and developing the alternative energy sources they claim to adore. Vote them out!

Oh, dear.  Wrong again, Marie.  You need to read my blog more, dear.

McCain is a man thinking about America’s future. On all levels — whether environmental, social or political — he is able to weigh in.

"Elect McCain.  He can form opinions."

McCain has been blessed with the wisdom of that comes with age and experience.

And being white.

There will always be those who vote their party line, no matter how irrational a candidate’s flip-flopping appears to be. Barack Obama has served three years in the Senate (two of them campaigning for President) and was a Chicago street organizer. Has half of America lost their minds? It begs an answer to address his obvious lack of experience and qualifications.

You know who had even less experience than Obama when he ran for President?  Another one-term senator from Illinois.  Abraham Lincoln.

There is no substance there, just words

The sober, sound minds of our country will understand who is best qualified to lead the greatest nation in the world. Let’s pray there are enough of them. Here, there is no doubt. John McCain is for me.

Kind of sounds like there is doubt, Marie.  You haven’t given a single reason what program or policy of McCain’s you actually like.

You know how you mentioned that "there will always be those who will vote their party line", no matter what?

Marie, meet mirror.