Dispatches From The University Of Noshit Sherlock

Ken AshfordScience & TechnologyLeave a Comment

On the heels of the no-duh-inducing scientific study that men are attracted to good-looking women comes another scientific study from the realms of the glaringly obvious: two year olds have better social learning skills than apes.

Is there any doubt that this is true?  I mean, two year olds eventually learn to behave and be more socially skilled.  Apes, not so much.  Therefore, it’s rather obvious that 2 year olds have better social learning skills than apes.  We don’t need a scientific study to prove this.

Another recent no-brainer study finds that (shock!) women place a greater emphasis on kissing than men.

And another obvious scientific study inform us what we already know to be true: Rock stars are more likely to die young than non-rocker stars.


Guess what else we’ve learn from recent scientific studies:

  • Combining Drugs and Alcohol is Bad For You
  • Gun-Toting Drivers are More Prone to Road Rage
  • Too Many Meetings Make You Grumpy
  • Faraway Objects Are Tougher to See
  • Swallowing More Than One Magnet is Dangerous
  • Smoking Cigarettes Costs You Money
  • Memory and Concentration Fade With Age
  • Women Like Funny Men

What’s going on here?  Have scientists run out of things to study?

Hey, you lab-coat-wearing, bespeckled, nerds!  I want my flying car!  A cure for the common cold! A holodeck! Get crackin’!