Neocon Jokes

Ken AshfordRepublicansLeave a Comment

Reformed Iraq War supporter and Log Cabin Republican Andrew Sullivan made a neocon joke yesterday — now he’s started a stampede.

Some of my favorites:

Q.  How many neocons does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A.  Neocons don’t bother with light bulbs. They declare a War on Darkness and set the house on fire.


Q.  How many neocons does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A.  That’s an interesting question, one that I’m sure future historians will investigate in detail.  Look, let me address this issue up front: I don’t know who’s been installing light bulbs or who hasn’t.  That’s none of my business.  There’s a lot of different views, there’s a range of views, and a lot of concerns, and we are working to accommodate those concerns.  We know at this point that we still have some work to do and we are working very hard to address these issues.  We’re not making estimates. At this point what you’ve had are some fairly — you had some dramatic testimony and comments — by the way, you can expect people to be ventilating these differing points of views in coming days.  Our view is you have to have a resolution that offers a solution.  And you’re going to have people — there is sometimes, you’ll be surprised to hear, a disparity between comments made in public for domestic audiences around the world, and comments made in private, as well.  In short, we don’t want to comment on an ongoing investigation.


George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and Joe Lieberman are all flying over New Orleans in a Blackhawk, surveying the progress that has been made in rebuilding the city and the levees. As they fly over the Ninth Ward, Cheney looks out the window, grins, and says, "You know, I could throw a thousand-dollar bill out the window right now and make one of those poor bastards very happy."

Bush says, "Well, I could throw ten hundred-dollar bills out the window right now and make TEN people very happy."

Not to be outdone, Lieberman chimes in, "Oh yeah? Well, I could throw a hundred $10 bills out the window and make a HUNDRED Americans very happy."

Hearing this, the copter pilot rolls his eyes and says, "Man, I could throw all three of you out the window and make 300 million Americans very happy."


Q. How many neocons does it take to screw in a light bulb.

A. None. George Bush predicts the light bulb will be fully capable of changing itself within 3 months.


Q: What do you get when you cross a neocon with a lemming?

A: Peace.