Christians And Their Bikinis

Ken AshfordGodstuff, Sex/Morality/Family Values, Women's Issues1 Comment

Ned_flandersI came across this and decided that it needed unpacking….

Bikinis are Inappropriate Swimwear According to ChristiaNet Poll, the world’s largest Christian portal with twelve million monthly page loads, recently conducted a poll asking participants to decide if bikinis are appropriate swimwear. It is interesting to note with this poll that many voters felt that the attitude and the behavior of the one wearing the bathing suit is the most important issue. One voter said, "It depends on the way in which the swimwear is worn. The body-language of the person is what makes the person an object of lust."

And, I might add, if the bikini is worn inside out, it might make the person an object of ridicule.

Out of 257 participants —

Okay, first of all, this site gets "twelve million" hits a month, and only 257 answered this survey???

Out of 257 participants, 55 voted "yes" emphasizing that the garment shouldn’t be too revealing. The majority of 153 voted "no" and commented on what God’s word says about dressing decently. Many voters felt that Christians should not wear bikinis because it is not pleasing to God nor does this type of dressing glorify him.

Here’s where they lost me.  Does that mean that wearing a one-piece bathing suit glorifies God?  What about this

And what about Adam and his rib-spawn, Eve?  What did they wear?  My understanding was that there wasn’t a lot of clothes in the Garden of —


Oh, right.  Victorian clothes.  I forgot.

The remainder of the 49 participants voted "unsure" emphasizing that it depends upon the attitude of the one wearing it and the style of the garment.

Right.  Because if the Christian bikini-wearer is all up in yo face, dissin’ you ‘n shit, then that’s ungodly.

One voter supported the idea of wearing a bikini and commented, "Swimwear is appropriate for Christians because it makes your movement easier in water."

1886131182150571This is a sound argument because, um, because — Christians need to swim faster when the Rapture comes, I guess, or, um, something.

Another voter made the point that even one piece bathing suits can be too revealing.

Well, screw it.  Women should just wear burqinis then (pictured, at right).

Many of the participants that voted in favor noted that it is important to choose a bathing suit that is appropriate for the activity but that it should not be "too skimpy."

I think that’s a polite way of say, "It depends on who is wearing it".  I suspect, on that particular point, Christians and non-Christians agree.

The overall consensus of the poll seems to agree that a Christian woman (or young lady) should be decently covered because it might cause another to sin.

Ah, yes.  Blame the victim for other’s sin.  By the logic, we should prevent children from going outdoors (going to school, etc.) because it might cause child molesters to sin.  Make sense?

One voter wrote, "I think as Christians we should set boundaries for our lives, and in all we do Christ should be glorified."

Of course, that voter probably responds that way in every poll.

Some of the voter’s who felt that wearing bikinis is inappropriate, made the point that it might be okay if it is worn in private company.

Yeah, but God still sees you, right?  In fact, doesn’t He see you in the shower?

Manhunt_195801Comments of the unsure voters emphasized that one’s attitude plays a big part in whether a garment is right or wrong to wear. In this category, participants made a point that as Christians we shouldn’t judge others for the choices they make but we should have the welfare of others in mind in what we decide to wear since it could cause another to be guilty of lust.

There it is again.  The misogynist it’s-your-fault-ladies-for-looking-good meme.  Ugh.  Because apparently we men can’t control ourselves, and that’s your fault, gals. 

Here is the same sentiment, at another website:

Nevertheless, the simple fact is that the woman’s body is naturally beautiful and sensuous. Women learn this as they grow up and discover that boys (young men) —

Glad he made it clear that boys are "young men", because I was thinking they were young ostriches or something….

Nevertheless, the simple fact is that the woman’s body is naturally beautiful and sensuous. Women learn this as they grow up and discover that boys (young men) will be attracted to them and will do all sorts of antics to earn a young woman’s attention and favor. 

Unless that young man is me, who just stands there stuttering and mumbling bad jokes in a lame effort to be both pathetic and charming.

Is691016Many young women find this appealing and often take advantage of their power over males by displaying their bodies. 

Must …resist …female …power …over …me

Therefore, some young (and older) women will purposely dress in seductive ways so as to further their sense of attractiveness and control.  The males are drawn to this and are easily enticed. 

This is beginning to sound like a Christian version of National Geographic.

Finally, the author gets to the all-important Christian/bikini question:

Is it right for a woman, especially a Christian woman, to use her body in such a way? The answer is obviously no.

Why "obviously" no?  And what does that mean "in such a way"?  Does this mean a woman can "use her body" in some ways to entice men?  And not others?  And where’s the line?  Help, I’m confused.

The same website offers this obvious factoid:

Don’t forget, Bikinis were never an issue in New Testament times because no woman would ever display herself in such a way back then.  It isn’t until the last few decades that such public displays have become acceptable.

Hmmm.  Well, this is undoubtedly true — the New Testament doesn’t address bikinis specifically.  But it does say this?

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. (NIV, 1 Peter 3:2-5)

and this

I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. (NIV, 1 Timothy 2:9-10)

Lg_npsvk So, if bikinis are, in your view, ungodly — well, that’s cool, but you’ll also have to get rid of your gold and pearls and expensive clothes.  Any Christian woman ready to do that?

It must be hard to dress like a good Christian.  Fortunately, there’s a little cottage industry for those who want to dress in a God-worshipping way. 

Sun in your eyes?  Try Disciple Shades (Warning: shitty Christian rock)

Why you can even accessorize in a Christian way, with Christian iPod covers (pictured here).

And nothing glorifies God better than a "Know God" tank top, wouldn’t you agree?


Actually, on the right body, that could look sexier than a bikini.  Oh, well.

So where do I come down on the hotly-debated Christians-in-bikinis issue? 

Well, first of all, I think "Christians in Bikinis" is a great name for a punk rock band. 

But beyond that, I think the whole issue is rather silly.  If God cares about the amount skin/cleavage you have, and/or how much you jiggle when you run down the beach in your anticipated embrace of Dudley Moore, then God has His priorities out of order.  Personally, if you just make an effort to look decent for who you are, that’s fine with me.

And as for Christians, I think they should keep out of the fashion business, unless their last name happens to be Dior.

Just sayin’…