I’m a member of the Nielsen family.
Yup, they called and asked me to monitor my TV habits for one week, recording everything I watch in a diary that they sent.
Glad to help, I said.
What a pain in the ass.
First of all, they send this big ass booklet. Paper and pencil — how quaint. How 20th century.
So I fill out a basic questionnaire (who lives in the house, how many TVs, etc.).
THEN they want me to list every single channel I get. I get several hundred channels, you Nielsen guys. I’m not going to sit down and handwrite them all.
Ok, I will, but already, it’s not worth the five crisp new one dollar bills that you sent me (that Cheryl pocketed I think, because she opened the envelope).
Then it’s time to actually keep the diary. I have to write down what I watch, and when I watch it. Not too difficult a task — except when it comes to TIVO. I have to not only write down what I watch, but when it was originally aired — unless it was aired on a date outside of the week in which I am monitoring. Also, if I record something on TIVO, and I intend to watch it after my monitoring period is over, I have to record that as well. And if the TV is one in the background and I’m not watching it, I have to record that, too. And if I watch something on one channel while TIVO records off another channel…. well, you get the idea: it’s worse than filling out tax forms.
I can’t imagine how difficult this would be in a regular household of five people. Yikes.
I thought they had boxes or meters that just recorded this information for you. Oh, I guess they do. Just not for me, apparently.
Anyway, I’ve decided that for the balance of the week, I’m not going to watch any TV. Not that I watch much anyway, but I’m not going to TIVO anything either.
Okay, I lied. I probably might watch The Daily Show or something. And my TIVO is going to record whatever the hell it wants to.
Still, this is a pain in the ass. I don’t like being part of the Nielsen family. They’re dysfunctional.