I Used To Believe

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UsetobelieveNot to be confused with This I Believe, I Used To Believe is a charming little website that collects childhood beliefs submitted by contributors.  Some examples:

"I used to believe that there was a magical ingredient in birthday cakes that allowed you to age another year, and that’s why you had to eat it."

"I used to think that vanilla was the absence of chocolate, not its own flavor."

"Once, when I was 8, I told my Mom about this weird experience I had where the exact same thing happened to me twice. She explained that it hadn’t happened twice, but that I had déjà vu. The next day at school, I told all of my friends that I had this weird French disease that made me get stuck in time and repeat things I’d already done."

"When I was a kid, I was very afraid of chicken pot pies, and wondered why anyone would ever eat any such thing. It was probably because I wasn’t yet clearly hearing a distinction between ‘chicken pot’ and ‘chicken pox’. So I must have been thinking of them as ‘chicken pox pies’."

"I used to believe that whenever I went into the restroom in public, everyone outside instantly stopped whatever they were doing and all paused to listen to the speakers which were placed all around the store so that everyone could listen to me in the bathroom. Of course, everyone went back to normal once I came from the bathroom."

"I used to believe that when the judge sentenced a criminal to an impossibly long sentence (like 100+ years) that they kept his body in prison after he died until it was there for the whole sentence."

"when i was a little girl i believed that the veils on a nun’s habit were nailed to their heads and that they were all bald underneath it and that they slept in it and never took it off! that is what my brother told me. at religious instructions class i asked a nun if it hurt when they pounded the nails in. she took me aside into a cloak room and took off the veil to reveal her beautiful long hair"

"As a four-year-old with a very large vocabulary, I decided the ‘Civil War’ was the one war where everybody pretended they were nice to everyone else. For example, a soldier would offer the enemy a cigarette, shoot him when he least expected it, and then pretend to be sad about it."

"I used to believe that speedbumps were actually there for the blind to drive, and they read it like braille. Thanks to my older brother and sister of course."

I suppose I — like everyone — had some crazy beliefs as a child, too.  I just can’t remember them.