Today’s Groganisms

Ken AshfordRight Wing Punditry/IdiocyLeave a Comment

Our favorite Renew America columnist, Kaye Grogan, has another column out today, and it’s full of her non-sensical metaphors and well, non-sensical everything.  Here’s a smattering:

Since Nancy Pelosi has promised the American people to head the most ethical congress in America’s history can we expect an invitation to gather around the Jordan River for a good old congressional baptism?

I’m not sure what this means, but I’m going to guess that Pelosi probably isn’t going to send out invitations for baptisms at the Jordan River.

The lineup Ms. Pelosi proudly endorsed for House leadership committees when the so-called new congress convenes on January 3, 2007 — should register as a 10 on the Richter scale for a big shake-up.

And Kaye registers a Category 5 on the Saffer-Simpson scale for blowhards.

Then, speaking of progressives like Pelosi, our dear Kaye writes:

The only trouble with all of this progressing — the progressing has taken on a whole new meaning.

As opposed to the old meaning of "progressing"?  Is that even a word?

If you see a lot of people walking around noseless don’t be too surprised as a lot of people bit their noses off to spite their faces, when they voted in the midterm elections.

Biting off your nose in spite of your face — Kaye’s favorite metaphor.  She’s used it two weeks in a row now.

While the Democrats (with the help of the liberal news media) bashed President Bush and the Iraqi conflict 24/7 — not one single Democrat has offered a viable solution for ending the conflict in Iraq beyond cut and run.


Folks take a long look at the people you helped to secure either their incumbency or elected more of the same persuasion to lead you. Get used to holding on to them, as you stumble along to disaster. On second thought . . . chalk that up as a bad suggestion — you’re on your own.

Going somewhere, Kaye?

And now, our favorite Kaye Grogan strained metaphor ("Groganism") of the week:

If you thought the road was rocky with the Republicans — you’re going to feel like you’re riding down Mount Everest on an old junkyard bus without brakes — with the Democratic majority.

‘Nuff said.  She could have gone with an ice cream metaphor ("rocky road"), but we like the Mount Everest/junkyard bus imagery.

Then Kaye focuses on pork spending:

If you want to know why the Democrats are fudging the direct question — especially Rep. Charles Rangel when they are asked if the tax idolizing party is going to raise taxes — just go to to see the biggest pork-barrel spending activity imaginable just waiting to be appropriated in 2007. We should all have a similar wish-list.

Of course, Kaye blatently ignores the fact that the items listed there are appropriations from the Republican-controlled Congress.  Oops.

It’s impossible to fund these on-going humongous projects without raising taxes.

Well, while these projects may or may not be worthwhile, the funding for all of them combined is still far less than the cost of one day of the Iraq War.

Did you know that one million is going toward Mormon Cricket & Grasshopper activity studies in Utah and $300,000 for the same project in Nevada? Good grief! …are they trying to figure out what makes these insects hop?

For goodness sakes! …they have bent flexible legs and it didn’t cost you one red cent to be told this little tidbit.

Wow, Kaye.  Rather than just assuming you know what the spending is for, why don’t you learn to Google?  Mormon crickets and grasshoppers are pests which eat and destroy crops, hurting farmers, and ultimately causing higher prices for certain agricultural goods that you buy in the store.  (The bill, by the way, was sponsored by a Republican).

I have determined that the abuse of the peoples’ money by everyone in Congress — is unethical and proves that they definitely need to all be gathering at the Jordan River for "ethical" cleansing.

Yes . . . they all need to gather at the river.

Because if you baptize our Congress, they’ll allow agricultural pests to ravish our crops and drive up the cost of produce.

Which is a good thing.

Or something.