That leaves the Red Sox without a shortstop.

TEN REASONS WHY THE RED SOX SHOULD MAKE ME THEIR SHORTSTOP:

(10)  I’ll play for "almost nothing", which in professional baseball terms means five times as much as I make now.  And I won’t ask for any raises.  Promise.

(9)  My lack of shortstop experience will lull the opposing teams into a false sense of security.

(8)  Shortstop isn’t really a pivotal position anyway.

(7)  As I keep advancing into middle age, my impending hearing loss will make me immune to taunts and jeers from irate fans.

(6)  Saw the whole Ken Burns documentary "Baseball" from start to finish. 

(5)  Can play drums or keyboard behind Bronson.

(4)  When David Wells asks "Does my butt look big in this uniform", I know how to answer that question.

(3)  I own my own glove and don’t do steroids.

(2)  Won’t scratch crotch during games.

(1)  Got my "hey batta batta batta batta" thing down pat.