God To Dover, PA: “You’re On Your Own”

Ken AshfordEducation, GodstuffLeave a Comment

As I discussed here, the town of Dover, PA sent a strong message to members of their local school board who wanted to stick intelligent design into the public school science curriculum.  And that message was "You are no longer on the local school board."  Yup, all eight pro-I.D. board members were voted out of office.

Well God, it seems, has a message for the people of Dover: "Don’t turn to me for help".

Okay.  God didn’t say that, so much as God’s self-appointed spokeperson, Pat Robertson.  Here’s what he said on the 700 Club:

"I’d like to say to the good citizens of Dover. If there is a disaster in your area, don’t turn to God, you just rejected Him from your city. And don’t wonder why He hasn’t helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I’m not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that’s the case, don’t ask for His help because he might not be there."

Jeez. Sounds like God is running a protection racket:

MobsterGod:  Lovely town you’ve got here, people of Dover Pennsylvania.

Dover, PA:  Thank you, our Lord and Savior.

God:  Be a shame if something happened to it.

Dover, PA:  Um . . . What do you mean, o merciful one?

God:  Oh, nothing, nothing.  It’s just that . . . well, things break, you know what I mean?

Dover, PA:  Things break?

God:  Sure.  Levees bust, flood waters rise, you know.  Seen New Orleans lately?

Dover, PA:  Yeah, we saw. 

God:  A real city of sin.  Women showing their tits and all.  Party, party, party.  No values.  No morals.  Suddenly one day, it’s gone.  I’m just saying….

Dover, PA:  So, you’re going to hurt us?

God (laughing):  No, no, no, no.  I’m your friend, Dovey baby.  I don’t want anything to happen to you

Dover, PA:  Oh, phew!!  Thank God!  Um, thank you!

God:  How many people live here?

Dover, PA:  Roughly 1,915 people, sir.  That’s the most recent estimate.

God (gives impressed whistle):  1,915 people!  Imagine that!  Be a real shame if they all turned into dust.

Dover, PA:  Turned into dust?

God:  Things pulverize.  Towns burn.  Ain’t that right, Patty Boy?

Robertson:  Oh, sure.   Can never be too sure these days, boss.

God:  There, Dovey.  You see?  Patty Boy agrees with me.

Robertson (removes fedora from head):  Real pity about those people in New Orleans.

God (removes halo from head):  Yeah.  Real pity. 

Robertson (shakes head):  So sad.


God (replacing halo over head):  Now Dovey, about this intelligent design thing….