Kansas Determined To Become Stupidest State

Ken AshfordGodstuffLeave a Comment

Seriously, what is the matter with Kansas?

TOPEKA, Kan. – The Kansas Board of Education voted 6-4 Tuesday to include greater criticism of evolution in its school science standards, but it decided to send the standards to an outside academic for review before taking a final vote.

The Kansas school system was ridiculed around the country in 1999 when the board deleted most references to evolution. The system later reversed course, but the language favored by the board Tuesday comes from advocates of intelligent design.

The intelligent design concept holds that some features of the natural world are best explained by an unspecified intelligent cause. Evolution is a fundamental scientific theory that species evolved over millions of years through natural selection.

The standards are used in developing state tests for fourth, seventh and 10th-graders, though local schools have the final say on what is taught in their classrooms. Students will be tested on the new standards in the 2007-08 school year.

The board is expected to vote on final approval of the standards in October.

Now, what is there to criticize about evolution?  Bill Diamond at The Huffington Post offers some help:

Bill Diamond’s Criticisms of Evolution

1. What the hell happened to our tails, prehensile or otherwise? Seems to me a tail would be very helpful for balance, particularly among the elderly and people with new breast implants who might still be seeking their center of gravity.

2. What gives with the whole walking-on-two-feet thing? Walking on all-fours seems like it would be a lot more comfortable, particularly if you’re going to be spending the day at a place like Disneyland. Sure, we’d all have to shell out twice as much money given our sudden need for hand-shoes, but I suspect the significant decrease in chiropractor bills would more than make up for it.

3. Personally, I find the fact that Tay-Sachs disease afflicts mostly Jewish people to be kind of anti-Semitic. And just so I’m being clear here, it’s not that I wish the disease on other faiths. I’m just saying the fact that it wasn’t spread around more evenly among other faiths is, well, “suspicious” to say the least.

4. Is it just me or wouldn’t it be more efficient if we cried from our mouths rather than our eyes? That way, all the wet stuff would be located in one place and if you didn’t want someone to see you cry (like a schoolyard bully or a very macho dad who didn’t approve of you wanting to take flute lessons), you could just keep your mouth closed and swallow a lot.

5. Armpit hair? Armpit hair?!