Conservative Blog Taxonomy

Ken AshfordRight Wing Punditry/IdiocyLeave a Comment

Fables of the Reconstruction, where have you been hiding?  My first foray to that fine site yielded this gem — a primer on the prominent wingers of the right-wing blogosphere:

1. Instapundit – Calling Glenn Reynolds intellectually lazy would be to praise him.  He doesn’t write, he grunts.  Has gained prominence by posting a lot and never making his audience think; has done those things by never thinking too much himself.  Never met a Democrat he couldn’t casually accuse of treason. 

2. Michelle Malkin – Far-right affirmative action hire who is so bigoted she’d arrest herself for trying to cross a border.  Famously published a book praising internment of Japanese-Americans that was (a) incoherent and (b) probably not written by her.  If she didn’t have tits, she’d be stuck writing at 

3. Powerline – Bilious Minnesotans led by someone who nicknamed himself "Hindrocket."  Talk about being manly in that protests-too-much way. 

4. Little Green Footballs – If LGF didn’t exist, Dave Neiwert would have to invent it.  Heady stuff for young rightwingers, like the Völkischer Beobachter was in the good old days.  Site gives off a strong scent of roast pork.

5. Captain’s Quarters – Every so often on the subway, I find these screeds written in colored marker, in which the printing goes from edge to edge on the paper, often with words cut off in random spots at the end of the line and continued on the next.  I am told that this style of writing is common among very delusional people.  Ed Morrissey has the benefit of blogging software that paginates the words for him.  He will deliver pages on any subject at all, always proving in his mind the perfidy of liberals and always making absolutely no sense.  I bet Ed makes even other far-righters nervous.

6. Volokh Conspiracy – Doctrinaire right-wing lawyers who intellectualize and ward off reality, interspersed with flashes of viciousness.  Fortunately, Volokh is so tone-deaf he has already excluded himself from the judgeship he obviously desires – he’s described himself as a "law and order conservative" (code for putting blacks in jail) and praised torturing prisoners before executing them.

7. Hugh Hewitt – Death to Muslims! Death to Muslims! Death to Muslims! It goes on like that.

8. Dean’s World – Dean Esmay is popular among right-wingers as one of those centrists who just happen to hate liberals and Democrats.  A proud dry drunk, he works out his unresolved childhood issues of being raised in a union household by writing about his crackpot theories on HIV/AIDS, feminism, and capitalism.

9. Buzzmachine – A man with a face for radio, Jeff Jarvis has used his "credentials" as a television critic for TV Guide to get himself tapped by cable news as the "blog guy."  Like TV news, Buzzmachine lurches from outrage to self-righteousness to the furious riding of several creaky hobbyhorses.  Like TV pundits, Jarvis comes up with meaningless catchphrases that he repeats endlessly ("News is a conversation" being the most vapid) and poses as another neutral observer who just happens to hate liberals and Democrats.  And like TV generally, Jarvis’ presentation of any given issue is shallow and knee-jerk, and only really exists to promote the product, in this case, Jarvis.  Caution: name-dropping zone.

10. RedState – Formerly known pseudonymously as Tacitus, formerly considered by some liberals as a reasonable conservative, Josh Trevino found that neither was conducive to promotion in Republican circles, so he dumped the name and his former site and founded RedState.  Democrats or liberals are both banned and regularly accused of treason;  Muslims are presumed dangerous.  Darfur is an especially favorite topic, because it both shows Islam in a bad light and has the advantage of not having to actually do anything.