So, I just read the FCC Opinion about why use of the F-word (and "shit" and other words) in ABC’s uncensored broadcast of "Saving Private Ryan" was not obscene.  It is because when our boys stormed the beaches at Normandy, and a guy’s arm got blown off, he didn’t say, "Gosh darnnit!  That hurts like the dickens!"

No.  He said, "Oh, fuck!  Shitshitshitshit!  Aaaeeeeowwwwwwww!  Fuck! Medic!  Medic!" . . . and then he passed out.  So the movie depicts reality.

And if you want to sanatize war, you are a pussy and a liar.

Fortunately, for anyone out there who objects to depictions of reality coming through your television (because the truth offends you or whatever), there is a remarkable new device (pictured at the right) which, I’m told works almost flawlessly.  You may have one already in your home.  The models vary, but they all have essentially the same functions.

Use it.  And then shut up.