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She Seems Nice

Trump voter going on a tirade

This incident is the just the latest in a recent spate of obscene and racist tirades by Trump supporters. Last week a Trump fan abused black employees of a Miami Starbucks and over the weekend a viral video showed a Delta Airlines passenger screaming about “Hillary bitches.” Yesterday Delta apologized for not removing the man. Also this weekend a Colorado home supply store fired its manager for calling a customer a “faggot who voted for Hillary.”

Fourth of July Flashback

At around 50 seconds into the video, the four-year old on my shoulder starts singing a patriotic song that she made up.

Something about “America” and how the fireworks appear every day and every night….

An Apology Was What Was Called For

First, the video that went viral and started it all….

The Mac & Cheese Kid, as he has known, apologized by video.  Critics were, and are, saying that he is still a smug arrogant brat and/or is not acknowledging his alcohol problem.  I hear all that and don’t necessarily disagree, but I don’t think that is relevant.  An apology was appropriate (some people in this world can’t even muster that) so let’s acknowledge that he made one before we snark, okay?

His Parents Must Be So Proud

I’m not a fan of the public shaming of private people, but this is going viral.  And with good reason.

A drunk kid from the University of Connecticut staged a coup for some bacon jalapeño mac & cheese, and inadvertently revealed himself to be the worst person ever. He came to the university dining hall really drunk, in search of that spicy porky mac. He was asked to leave by the management because he was 1) really drunk, 2) drinking in a place where you’re not allowed to drink, and 3) underage drinking. He refused to leave without his mac & cheese, at which point someone began filming his altercation with the management.

After repeatedly yelling, getting physical multiple times, and calling the manager a “retard” and a “fag”, this guy—

screen-shot-2015-10-06-at-113349-am-YMN7LS

—a restaurant employee we’ll call “Chill Beret Guy” decided that enough was enough. After the kid pushed the manager again, Chill Beret Guy took him down and held him until the cops arrived and took him away.

When the video was posted, it wasn’t too hard to find out who he was. His name is Luke V. Gatti. He’s a 19-year-old from Long Island, and after a cursory glance through his Facebook, it appears that he really likes to ski. That’s not why it was easy to find him, though; he has already been arrested twice for similar drunk-entitled-college-kid incidents. He was first arrested about a year ago at a house party on disorderly conduct charges, which involved him calling a police officer the n-word. His second arrest occurred two weeks later, when he assaulted a police officer. At his hearing, the judge told Gatti that he was “a little concerned” he would “pull a trifecta before the month is over.”

It took him a bit longer than a month, but he did indeed pull off a trifecta. As Chill Beret Guy held him down, Gatti started trying to play the victim and said, “If I get arrested again, I’m f*cked,” to which Chill Beret guy had the perfect response…

“Well then you’re f*cked.”

I know nine minutes is a lifetime in the Internet world, but…. watch it.  It’s fun. (Strong language though)

Miss Utah Crowned As New Youtube Babbling Pageant Contestant

It’s been six years, but the memory of Miss South Carolina Teen USA contestant Caite Upton tackling a pretty straightforward question about the geographical ignorance of our fellow Americans with words fished out of the garbage disposal is as fresh as ever: “People in our nation don’t have maps, The Iraq, like, everywhere such as, something something schools in the U.S. should help South Africa and The Iraq and all of those Asian countries, such as."

In the Miss USA pageant last night, Miss Utah – Marissa Powell – struggled to respond with her thoughts on the question, “A recent report shows that in 40 percent of American families with children, women are the primary earners, yet they continue to earn less than men. What does it say about society?”

Not as cringe-worthy as Miss South Carolina, but her response was still worth a hearty, "WTF?!?!?"

 

I stand by her call for better education, if that was indeed her point.  Ms. Powell, BTW, is a singer, model and actress who attended Brigham Young University.

Oh, she came in third, which shows how much the Miss USA pageant places a premium on brains.

Wild Videos

The train derailment and explosion yesterday in Baltimore (wait until the end of the video):

 

Shot two days ago in Kansas, this is what it looks like INSIDE a tornado:

 

This Week’s Viral Video Is A Bit Of Social Activism

The subject? Lookism.

4.2 million hits in two days.

 

But let's be fair.  A&F aren't complete douches:

Late on Wednesday, American retailer Abercrombie & Fitch announced it would sign a safety upgrade plan that has been signed by six major European retailers and one other American company, PVH, owner of Calvin Klein, Tommy Hilfiger, and Izod. The agreement, which is legally binding, includes independent factory inspections and requires companies to help underwrite building upgrades and repairs.

Many other American retailers have yet to sign on, including Walmart and Gap. Gap has voiced concerns that the plan could be used to sue it in American courts and Walmart objected to governance and dispute resolution mechanisms. Walmart announced on Wednesday that it would instead use its own voluntary plan that includes inspecting all of its Bangladesh facilities and providing fire safety training to workers. Gap also sent a letter to employees at its headquarters saying that it has hired a fire inspector to examine factories in Bangladesh and will commit $22 million in loans to factories to make upgrades.

 

Obama Kills

 

Here are ten favorites:

1. On President Obama’s college drug use: President Obama got in a double jab at the changing media landscape and himself when he mused that “I remember when BuzzFeed was just something I did in college around 2AM.” 

2. On CNN: CNN’s offered up some serious softballs this week, and both President Obama and O’Brien teed up on them. “I admire their commitment to cover all sides of a story, just in case one of them happens to be accurate,” Obama said of the network. And O’Brien, who noted that he’s from Boston towards the end of his speech, recalled watching MSNBC and seeing “Chuck Todd stopped a pundit from speculating on unverified information. There’s no joke here. I’m just letting CNN know you can do that.”

3. Steven Spielberg’s Obama: It helps to pull this kind of spoof off when you can call in almost anyone you want from Hollywood to work with you, but the joke was still executed strongly. “Who is Obama? I mean, we never got his transcripts nd they say he’s kind of aloof,” Spielberg joked for the video. Obama played Daniel Day Lewis playing him, explaining “The cosmetics are challenging. You wouldn’t believe how long it took to put these ears on.” And maybe best of all was an appearance by Tracy Morgan that provided the best joke about the Vice President of the evening, and the best reference-to-30 Rock joke, when Morgan credited Day-Lewis with his success when Morgan said “Without him I never could have played Joe Biden. Literally.” 

4. On Wayne LaPierre: One of O’Brien’s strongest jokes, particularly for the way it riffed on conservative fantasies of gun use. “Everything you ate tonight was personally shot by Wayne LaPierre,” he told the crowd. “Don’t worry, it was during a home invasion, though. The fish came in through the window. That wasn’t peppercorn. That was buckshot.”

5. Conservative anxieties about hip-hop: Walking in to “All I Do Is Win,” President Obama joked “Rush Limbaugh warned you about this. Second term, baby. We’re changing things around here a little bit.” And later, talking about Jay-Z and Beyonce’s trip to Cuba and rumors that the Obama administration facilitated it in some way, he mock-complained: “I’ve got 99 problems, and now Jay-Z’s one. That’s another rap reference, Bill.” 

6. On Sheldon Adelson and independent expenditures: In another twofer, Obama got at both the futility of independent expenditures in the 2012 election—and at his wife’s skepticism of life in the White House. “You could buy an island and calling it Nobama for that kind of money,” he said. “Sheldon would have been better off offering me $100 million to drop out of the race. I probably wouldn’t have taken it. But I would have thought about it. Michelle would have taken it. You think I’m joking.” Of course he’s not, though. And who can blame her?

7. On Bob Woodward: This was extreme inside baseball even for a dinner that’s the very definition of Washington insiderism. But it was still funny to hear O’Brien crack on Bob Woodward, who threw a temper tantrum earlier this year in claiming that the Obama administration threatened him, when really his correspondent was offering him some gently-worded advice. “Earlier, a waiter asked Woodward if he wanted regular or decaf and he said ‘Stop threatening me!’” O’Brien joked. 

8. On Kamala Harris: While President Obama spent a lot of his routine playing with paranoid assumptions about him, one area where he actually made an error that he needed to acknowledge was in his compliments of California Attorney General Kamala Harris based on her looks. Obama tried to make light of it, saying “As you might imagine, I got trouble when I got back home. Who knew Eric Holder was so sensitive?” But O’Brien did him one better in showing how ridiculous Obama’s remarks would be if they were applied to man, sighing over “That stone fox, Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood. I like the cut of his jib.”

9. Skeet shooting: President Obama’s team has an eye for things that will go viral, and they must have had a lot of fun compiling this image of their boss shooting skeet from on top of the GoDaddy racecar, accompanied by an eagle and backgrounded by a rainbow.

10. On Taylor Swift: Sure, it’s cheap at this point. But Obama was right about the politics of the sequester, at least, when he said “Republicans fell in love with this thing and now they can’t stop talking about how much they hate it. It’s like we’re trapped in a Taylor Swift album.” 

The Insane Sorority Girl Letter… Read By Michael Shannon

If you've been under a rock the past few days, the latest Internet meme is an actual letter written by a Delta Gamma sorority girl to her sisters.  It demands to be printed in full:

If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I’ve been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you’re reading this right now and saying to yourself “But oh em gee Julia, I’ve been having so much fun with my sisters this week!”, then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don’t have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.

I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that’s not fucking possible if you’re going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON’T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you’re an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That’s not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you’re mentally slow so I can make sure you don’t go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said “Yeah we’re gonna invite Zeta over”, would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn’t, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN’T be post gaming at other frats, I don’t give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON’T GO. YOU. DON’T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

“But Julia!”, you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, “I’ve been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn’t that count for something?” NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN’T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN’T COUNT BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I’ve not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like “durr what’s kickball?” is not fucking funny), but I’ve gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don’t give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it’s time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don’t give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

“Ohhh Julia, I’m now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad”. Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you’re a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT’S EVENT.

I’m not fucking kidding. Don’t go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I’ve mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you’re unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me “Oh nooo boo hoo I can’t talk to boys I’m too sober”, then I pity you because I don’t know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don’t fucking show up unless you’re going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight’s event, I will tell you to leave even if you’re sober. I’m not even kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don’t give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.

I never understood the Greek system, but I never much cared for the women who were a part of it just to meet guys.  (Tip: you don't need a Greek system to do that).  Anyway, most people are shocked by the tone and awesomeness of the letter, and Michael Shannon took a shot at it:

 Truly awesome.

YouTube Gun Celebrities — Where Are They Now?

(1)  Keith Ratliff, who insisted everyone has the right to an assault weapon under the Second Amendment, who hosted a popular YouTube channel devoted to guns, including videos like “Top Three Weapons to Survive the Apocalypse”, met his end violently on January 3, single shot in the head in his office, where he stored his many guns and rifles.  Police are treating it as a homicide, although nothing was stolen.

(2)  Then there's another YouTube celeb, James Yeager, the guy who said he was going to “start shooting people” if President Obama signed an executive order on guns. I wrote about him last week.  What's up with him?  From 14news.com:

CAMDEN, TN (WSMV) –

A Middle Tennessee firearms trainer who made an ominous comment about killing people in a YouTube video that gained national attention this week has had his handgun carry permit suspended Friday by the Tennessee Department of Safety and Homeland Security.

James Yeager, 42, had his permit suspended based on a “material likelihood of risk of harm to the public,” the department said in a statement.

Col. Tracy Trott of the Tennessee Department of Safety said it didn’t take him long to reach a decision after viewing the comments on the Internet.

“I watched it twice to make sure I was hearing what I thought I heard,” Trott said.

“It sounded like it was a veiled threat against the whole public. I believed him. He had a conviction in his voice, and the way he looked into the camera, I believe he’s capable of a violent act,” Trott said.

Yeager told Channel 4 News he is aware of the suspension, and his attorney will handle his statements going forward.

And he tries, for a second time, to walk back his threats, this time with an attorney:

 

The Solar Flare Disruption

The huge solar flare that ignited from the Sun earlier this week is hitting Earth now, and may cause disruptions to high frequency radio communication, global positioning systems (GPS) and power grids.  

Also, the northern lights might be more visible.  Cool.

 

Yes, I Believe It’s From Nigeria

Pat Robertson asks if macaroni and cheese is a "black thing".  His (black) co-host, who knows where her bread is buttered, jokes with him about it, but the awkwardness stinks up the studio nonetheless.

 

Funniest aspect to this: Robertson wasn't confused about the notion of African Americans eating mac and cheese at Thanksgiving; but rather, he just doesn't know what mac and cheese is, and seems to think the dish itself is "a black thing."

WTF

Old Chinese people performing "Bad Romance"… apparently on the "Next to Normal" set

 

You Sneaky Mom!

Jimmy Kimmel asked parents to tell their kids "I'm sorry. I ate all your Halloween candy", and videotape the results.  The results?

LOTS of crying (but in my opinion, the last two kids are classic).

 

Controversy of the Day

In video one, a Central Park horse gets tired and/or trips.  The woman rider freaks out.

 

Question:  Was she over-reacting?

In video #2, the same woman sees that the horse is back in the carriage line, having returned to work.  Again, she freaks:

 

Question: Is the woman right to be concerned about the horse?

I'm siding with the carriage driver (who I thought was remarkably restrained).  First of all, the woman is all over Youtube complaining about the inhumane treatment of the horse, when the video clearly show that he first concern was NOT the horse, but herself.

Secondly, as one commenter put it:

As someone who grew up around horses these horses are bred to be work horses and towing these carriages really isn't bad for them. It keeps their muscles toned and keeps them healthy as they should be. he got spooked and tripped over a curb, it's not like he was hit by a car or shot. If the horse was really in pain it would be making noise, just like people do when they are in pain and it would still be on the ground.

In other words, this woman doesn't know what she was talking about.

There is nothing to suggest that this horse is weak or malnourished or had been treated badly (in fact, it looks well cared for).  Here's what happened — it got spooked and tripped.  People trip, too, but they go on with their day.

Beating The Heat

Dog discovers pool outside and thinks, "This would be awesome inside".  And can you blame him, with the heat?  He gets very determined.

 

Bachmann and the Marriage Vow

I love trashing Michelle Bachmann and how she keeps putting her foot in it.

Last week, as presidential candidate, she signed something called the "Marriage Vow", which is a pledge among presidential candidates (well, those who sign) to, among other things, fight against same-sex marriage, fight against Sharia law (this is a problem?), fight against porn, and basically return to family values stuff.

The Marriage Vow became controversial because it included this stunning statement:

"Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA's first African-American President."

… a rather stupid statement which had Bachmann and others to assure people they were anti-slavery.  (Also, the facts of that statement aren't true.)

Anyway, the ladies from The View were cooking with gas about this today:

 

Friday Literal Video

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I love "literal videos" — music videos with altered lyrics to reflect on the video itself.

Here's a pretty good new one, and being Friday… well…. here it is:

 

The Godzilla Tsunami Video

This is terrifying.

The video starts calmly enough.  Some water moving down the street.  Then, within minutes, it is tearing up cars and houses.  This guy was dangerously close, but safe.

If you want to see what it looked like before the video, check out Google Maps

Then watch this:

 

Charlie Sheen Interview: He’s Not Bi-Polar; He’s Bi-Winning

Okay.  I want the T-shirt rights to that.

Unfortunately, they're not letting people embed the video of Charlie Manson's Sheen's rantings, so you'll just have to watch it on YouTube.  I know Sheen is a punchline; I had no idea how deserving he is.

Bonus Sheen: “I am on a drug: it’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available ’cause if you try it, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."

Elsewhere in the interview, Sheen claims he has “tiger blood” running through his veins, adding: “My brain … fires in a way that is, I don’t know, maybe not from this particular terrestrial realm.”

I'll buy that.

Anigif_the-definitive-charlie-sheen-is-fcking-crazy-gif-22533-1298924636-18

Making People Paranoid

This guy follows people around in Target, describes their actions over his cellphone and creeps them out.  If I had nothing better to do, I would do this for a living.  If it paid.

 

My Favorite Mashup of 2010

Smells Like Rockin Robin

 

But this mega-mashup, called "Miracles" ain't bad:

 

Samples:
1. Bruno Mars – Just The Way You Are
2. B.O.B. feat. Bruno Mars – Nothing On You
3. Gnarls Barkley – Crazy
4. Britney Spears – Hit Me, Baby, One More Time
5. Jason Derulo – In My Head
6. Justin Timberlake – My Love
7. Lady Gaga – Just Dance
8. Leona Lewis – Bleeding Love
9. Ne-Yo – So Sick
10. Michael Jackson – Black Or White
11. Snoop Dogg – Sexual Eruption
12. Survivor – Eye Of The Tiger
13. Taylor Swift – Fifteen
14. Taylor Swift – Fearless
15. Savage Garden – The Animal Song
16. Snoop Dogg feat. Justin Timberlake – Signs