Category Archive

Dear Tech Support:         Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that  the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.         In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9.  … Read More

How many times has this happened to you? You’re taking your daily bow to Mecca, but as you lean over to place your forehead on the prayer rug thingee, your jeans ride low, exposing your "plumber’s crack". How embarassing.  You can’t show your face in that mosque again, right? Wrong.  Now you can worship Allah without all the fuss and … Read More

What THHG says about towels: A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitch hiker can have. Partly it has great practical value – you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, … Read More

Actual suicide notes, such as: I could wish that I had, for my goodby kiss, a .38 police special with which I have made some good scores — not records but at least made my mark. Instead, I have this black bitch — bitch, if the word is not familiar to you — but at least an honest one who … Read More

I hate they’re pushing this as some huge match-up.  It doesn’t matter who wins — they’re both going to get a big contract.  Anyway…. First Round:  I liked the song ("Black House and Cherry Tree") the first time Katherine did it.  She did it well again.  But Taylor laid it out and bested her by far with "Livin For the … Read More

Yesterday, the Public Commission on the Oregon Legislature adopted a recommendation that people who hold public office in Oregon should not work while intoxicated. Good idea.  Bold move. Duh.

Turns out that sheep are smarter than most people realize.

What’s the iPod digging today? Sandy – Grease Aquarius/Let The Sunshine In – The Fifth Dimension A Summer In Ohio – The Last Five Years Beast of Burden – Bettle Midler Don’t Worry Baby – Beach Boys Angry Young Man – Billy Joel Babooshka – Kate Bush Contact – Rent I’m Black/Ain’t Got No – Hair Running Up That Hill … Read More

Well, if you saw "Idol" tonight, I’m sure you can pick one Katharine moment, and one (if not two) Taylor moments.  Can you remember an Eliott moment?  Can you even remember what he sang? No.  And that’s why he’s going to be out this week. The second round of songs was the best.  I thought Katharine nailed her song ("Somewhere … Read More

Zoo visitors shocked as bear eats monkey: The park confirmed the killing. "The habitats here in the safari park are arranged in such a way that one animal almost never kills another…," it said in a statement. Nevertheless, they’re rethinking the zebra/lion compound. RELATED: Robotic spacecraft designed to rendezvous with orbitting satellite destroys satellite

This story is funnier when you see the video: A computer expert has described his astonishment at seeing the BBC’s 24-hour news channel interview a taxi driver – in the mistaken belief it was him. Guy Kewney – a white, bearded technology expert – was astonished to see himself appear on screen as a black man with an apparent French … Read More

The Liberal Avenger is soliciting suggestions for the funniest deathbed "final words". My concern is that I’ll read them now, they’ll get stored in the recesses of my mind, and then when the time finally comes (decades from now, hopefully), I’ll blurt one of these things out.