OCEAN CITY, Md. (AP) – A West Virginia man claiming to be Osama Bin Laden led Ocean City Police on a high speed chase that ended in a crash. He then threatened officers with a blender.
Red Sox Showing Signs Of Life
Yay:
Josh Beckett rebounded from one of the worst outings of his career to pitch six strong innings, David Ortiz hit his 46th homer, and the Boston Red Soxbeat the Los Angeles Angels 2-1 Thursday night to hand rookie Jered Weaver his first loss.
Ooops. Did I say "signs of life"? Maybe not:
Ortiz confirmed an Internet report that he spent last Saturday night at Massachusetts General Hospital while an irregular heartbeat was monitored…
RELATED: I love this:
Former major league pitcher Jim Bouton announced Thursday the launch of an organization that will play by 19th century rules: The Vintage Base Ball Federation. Yup, back then baseball was two words.
It will be six balls for a walk, and a foul ball won’t count as a strike — unless it’s caught, in which case the batter will be out. A foul ball caught on a bounce counts for an out, and a hit batter is only a ball, with no base awarded.
Gloves will be tiny, bat handles will be thick and the ball — that’s right, one ball will be used per game unless it falls apart or is lost — will be dead. There aren’t any pitcher’s mounds, and there’s no such thing as a balk on pickoff attempts.
In a mixture of sport and theater, umpires must be addressed as "sir." Fans — called "cranks" — will be encouraged to wear period costumes, so ladies get out those flowered hats and gentlemen doff your straw boaters.
Barney & “Friends”
An actual Letter-To-The Editor from The Villiage News (of Fallbrook, CA):
On Tuesday, August 8, I took my family out to Daniel’s for groceries. I have a 6-year-old daughter who learned how to read from the Barney and Friends book series. As we stepped out of the family van, she was very excited to see a Barney movie being advertised on the Daniel’s Market lit sign. She said, “Look, Daddy, a Barney movie!” I couldn’t see it, so she guided my eyes to the vulgar obscenity arranged there on the sign. “Look! Up there! Barney’s p***s!” I was shocked when I saw the words arranged on the sign. I quickly averted her eyes and escorted her into the store.
Since then, she has not stopped mentioning Barney’s p***s. This has shaken the bedrock of our family. I made an emergency call to our church’s pastor about this bombshell in my daughter’s life and he is unsure how it will affect her future.
This sort of sick joke is typical of unlawful teenagers across the country, but I just didn’t think the little town of Fallbrook was home to such hoodlums. I am frightened for my daughter’s future; she won’t stop bringing up this horrible movie title! I would like Daniel’s Market to apologize for traumatizing my daughter, and I would like the pranksters to know just how vile their criminal act was.
"Frightened for my daughter’s future?"
Dude, she’s six. Maybe if you let it go, so will she.
By the way, if you’re so obsessed with your daughter’s exposure to things, exactly how does your daughter know the word "penis"?
I Don’t Care If She Takes Bong Hits
…or drinks wine; she’s a Harvard undergrad — what else is she supposed to do?
But I will say this, Rose Kennedy Schlossberg (JFK’s grandaughter) is really stunning looking.
Miss Bin Laden If You’re Nasty
Much snickering lately about the new book by Kola Boof, a woman who claims to have been bin Laden’s sex slave for several years. She claims, among other things, that Osama was obsessed with Whitney Houston, loved the B-52’s and was more or less fixated on women’s rears.
Now comes word that the book already has "movie deal" on it, with the role of Ms. Boof (bin Laden’s sex slave) possibly being played by …Janet Jackson.
I think I’ll pass.
Unless it’s a comedy.
Or if Philip Seymour Hoffman plays bin Laden. That would be cool (in a train wreck kind of way).
Didn’t We Resolve This, Like, 50 Years Ago?
Oy:
COUSHATTA — Nine black children attending Red River Elementary School were directed last week to the back of the school bus by a white driver who designated the front seats for white children.
The situation has outraged relatives of the black children who have filed a complaint with school officials.
The Land Was Made For You And Me
Bush had a plan for the Giant Sequoia National Monument, home to two-thirds of the world’s largest trees.
He wanted the U.S. Forest Service to open up the 320,000-acre national preserve to loggers.
Today, a federal judge said "no".
Necessity Is The Mother Of Silly Inventions
Take a gander at some of the stupid inventions that people have come with over at the Delphion Gallery Of Obscure Patents. Here’s some of my favorite patents actually filed with the U.S. Patent Office:
US05356330
Apparatus for simulating a ‘high five’
…providing the user with a convenient outlet for the release of excitement.
US05971829
Motorized ice cream cone
…for imparting rotation upon the cup and rotationally feeding its contents against a person’s outstretched tongue.
…mounted on a single human digit for providing animated motion of a figurine
US05523741
Santa Claus Detector
… Christmas Stocking device useful for visually signalling the arrival of Santa Claus …
Jesus Loves Mrs. Turner’s Baby More Than Yours
We’ve delighted in the appearances of Jeebus and the Blessed Virgin Mary in pasta dishes, burnt toast, tree trunks, water stains, drywall, grilled chess sandwiches, potato chips, and dripped chocolate.
Now, He’s showing up . . . in a womb. Here’s the ultrasound of Laura Turner of Warwickshire, England:
Now, with all due respect to Mrs. Turner, it’s great that the Our Lord and Savior has manifested himself in your belly. Well done.
But what does this say about the millions of other pregnant women who don’t have Christ in the uterus? Has God foresaken their children? Just wondering…
UPDATE: Oh, He’s EVERYWHERE! He’s just like those gremlins in that movie whose name I can’t recall (it began with a "G") — even in our medical equipment!
Why do I say that? Well, aside from showing up in an ultrasound in England, He is also on an MRI scan in Pittburgh.
Where will he show up next? A tomato being sold on e-Bay? A shrimp in San Jose?
Rove Misleads The American Public
This is the kind of thing that drives me batshit crazy:
TOLEDO, Ohio — Presidential adviser Karl Rove criticized a federal judge’s order for an immediate end to the government’s warrantless surveillance program, saying Wednesday such a program might have prevented the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.
Rove said the government should be free to listen if al-Qaida is calling someone within the U.S.
"Imagine if we could have done that before 9/11. It might have been a different outcome," he said.
This type of statement prays on ignorance.
The facts are quite simple: the government has always been able to listen in on phone calls from al-Qaida to the United States. There is a law — called FISA — which has been around for three decades (i.e., long before 9/11). It allows the government to listen in on these conversations. So, if al-Qaida is calling someone within the United States, all the government has to do is go to a judge a get a warrant. It takes an hour. They can even get the warrant after they’ve done the wiretap (within 48 hours).
You know what might have made a difference "before 9/11"? If Bush had responded to his August 6, 2001 Presidential Daily Briefing memo which said that al-Qaida was determined to attack the United States — specifically, that the FBI had noted patterns indicating possible hijacking attempts and the fact that al-Qaida was surveilling buildings in New York. But it was August, and Bush was clearing brush in Crawford.
Christian Coalition Is Disintegrating
About time, too:
Aug 23, 2006 (AP)— Three disgruntled state affiliates have severed ties with the Christian Coalition of America, one of the nation’s most powerful conservative groups during the 1990s but now buffeted by complaints over finances, leadership and its plans to veer into nontraditional policy areas.
***
The coalition, which claims more than 2 million members, was founded in 1989 by religious broadcaster Pat Robertson and became politically powerful under Executive Director Ralph Reed before he left in 1997. Robertson, who turned over the presidency to Combs in 2002, has been criticized for provocative public statements, while Reed lost an election in Georgia last month after being linked to disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff.
Jim Backlin, the coalition’s vice president for legislative affairs, said the Reed situation harmed the organization because of heavy media coverage that constantly mentioned his past role with the coalition.
Backlin insisted, however, that the coalition remained influential among conservatives in Congress.
"Many of the congressional offices always look for Christian Coalition support right away when trying to get their bosses’ legislation passed," he said.
On the political left, an activist who monitors conservative organizations said the coalition never recovered from Reed’s departure with its staff and annual budget shrinking.
"They’ve been in free-fall ever since," said Peter Montgomery of the liberal group People for the American Way. "It’s not surprising that local affiliates want to distance themselves from this floundering organization."
Not only corruption, but I think many people — including those on the right now — are fed up with the tension that comes when you mix religion and politics.
It’s Official – Pluto Not A Planet
There are literally millions of objects orbiting the sun, but some of them are as tiny as your hand. And some of them, while quite large (i.e., the surface area of the United States, say), are not spherical. Are those technically "planets"?
You may have heard about the gathering of world’s astronomers in Prague. Their mission: to define what a "planet" is.
Today, the body of smart people (2,409 of them, from 75 countries) were to vote on this definition of a "planet":
- A planet is a celestial body that (a) is in orbit around the Sun, (b) has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a hydrostatic equilibrium (nearly round) shape, and (c) has cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit.
- A dwarf planet is a celestial body that (a) is in orbit around the Sun, (b) has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a hydrostatic equilibrium (nearly round) shape, (c) has not cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit, and (d) is not a satellite.
- All other objects orbiting the Sun shall be referred to collectively as "Small Solar System Bodies".
The resolution passed, and Pluto does not fit the definition of a classical planet. It does, however, fit the definition of a "dwarf planet".
Sorry to shake up your universe like that, but I thought you would like to know.
Plan B Approved
This is sure to set the Christian right into fits of apoplexy, but the breaking news off the wires is that Plan B — the "morning after" pill — has been officially approved by the FDA. It will be available over-the-counter — without a prescription. However, girls 17 and under will need a doctor’s note in order to purchase the pills.
Welcome To My Party Of Death
This is one of the best take-downs of Ramesh Ponnuru’s book The Party Of Death that I have read. Here’s a snippet:
In the seventh chapter of his new book, The Party of Death: The Democrats, the Media, the Courts, and the Disregard for Human Life, Ramesh Ponnuru draws a distinction:
There is a radical difference that separates both an adult human being and a human embryo from a kitten and a sperm cell. The first two are complete, living human organisms and the second two are not. Yet the party of death ignores that basic difference while making a difference of degree — the adult’s greater age and development of his capacities — the basis of a radical difference in treatment. To draw distinctions in this way is to violate the most basic canons of justice.
I think that killing the kitten would be worse than killing the embryo. If you agree, dear reader, you stand beside me in the party of death. We don’t think the lives of all human organisms have equal value. For my part, I hold that moral status depends on the nature of a creature’s mind. This means that the lives of creatures that can think and feel — regardless of their species — are of greater value than the lives of creatures that cannot.
***
According to liberals and other ordinary people, the moral status of something depends on what mental capacities it has. Do as you please with a baseball — it has no mind, and thus no moral status. It’s wrong, however, to beat a dog, because he can feel pain. But since dogs lack the understanding to participate in politics, they have no right to vote. Young humans can’t vote until they’ve reached an age where we can expect mental qualities like maturity, rationality, and political awareness from them. Then they achieve a moral status such that denying them the vote, and many other rights, would be an injustice.
***
[W]e often base rights on continuously variable mental qualities. Two-year-olds don’t have the right to vote because they lack the required rationality, maturity, and political awareness. All of these mental qualities increase on a continuous scale. Testing everyone for these qualities before letting them vote is impractical and open to abuse, so we let people vote when their age allows us to assume that they have these qualities. Determining the beginning of the right to life may be weightier than determining the beginning of the right to vote, but there’s no obvious reason to do it in a radically different way. Birth provides a clear and natural line for the inception of a right to life. It also fits into our general scheme of rights nicely, marking the point when any fetal right to life and a woman’s privacy rights over her body are disentangled. (I’m always baffled by the conservative claim — echoed by Ponnuru — that a woman’s privacy rights aren’t violated when the government forces her to continue growing a fetus inside her uterus. In comparison, the privacy rights a person has over what happens in his home seem trivial and derivative.)