Or…. as the Rude Pundit says, pussies. He articulates my views exactly:
The Republican National Committee is up with an ad that throws every scary thing in the world at you. “ISIS gaining ground. Terrorists committing mass murder. Ebola inside the U.S. Americans alarmed about national security,” says the ominous voice ominously. “What’s President Obama doing? Making plans to bring terrorists from Guantanamo to our country. Ignoring the Constitution, the Congress, and the American people. November 4th, Obama’s policies are on the ballot. Vote to keep terrorists off U.S. soil. Vote Republican.”
Just for a moment, let us explore the logic of the ad. Leave aside that ISIS wouldn’t exist if we hadn’t invaded Iraq, which Obama distinctly did not do. And leave aside that blaming Obama for Ebola in the U.S. is about as absurd as allegations get. Instead, look at a couple of phrases: “Ignoring the Constitution,” for instance. Would that be the same constitution that guarantees people habeas corpus rights, which the Gitmo detainees have been denied? And if Obama is “ignoring…the Congress,” how the fuck is electing a Republican going to make the President listen to Congress? As for “ignoring…the American people,” how’d that go when 90% of Americans wanted expanded gun background checks? Fuck these fuckers with a pineapple dildo.
But the Gitmo argument, that’s kind of insane, no? We bring terrorists to the United States all the goddamn time. Last fucking week, a terrorist who has been held at Bagram Air Base (aka “Afghan Gitmo”) since 2009 was flown to New York City to face trial. A couple of days before that, a henchman of a terrorist who was convicted earlier this year in a U.S. court was extradited to face trial here. The few dozen men, at best, from Guantanamo, who have been waterboarded and solitary-confined into insanity? Are we really supposed to be afraid of them?
That’s what Republicans are counting on, that Americans will once again show what giant pussies we are when it comes to security, willing to be fucked again and again by exploitative microdicks who have nothing else to campaign on. Check out Kansas Senator Pat Roberts’ ad with Election Day a week away. The message is that Roberts will never, ever allow detainees at Gitmo to be transferred to the military prison at Leavenworth. In the most ironic move, Roberts is portrayed as the tough guy for standing up to Obama while his opponent, Greg Orman, is Obama’s bitch who wouldn’t stop Obama from letting terrorists blow up wheat fields.
You got that? If you think, like Obama, that the United States is strong enough to put terrorists on trial, you’re weak. That’s all kinds of reverse logic bullshit. As Washington Monthly called Roberts and those who refuse to close Gitmo, they’re the “Bedwetter Caucus.” (Just to be clear: Orman actually agrees that Gitmo should not be closed. Independents can be bedwetters, too.)
Goddamnit, American motherfuckers, every single one of us: Aren’t you tired of being afraid all the time? Isn’t it exhausting? Aren’t you tired of being told that you’re just a fuckin’ wimp who would be murdered the second a terrorist touched our precious soil? Aren’t you sick of these assholes making you think that Ebola is going to jump out of the Dark Continent and turn you black or whatever the fuck we’re supposed to fear it does?
The new Democratic ad, the closing argument, if you will, should be: “Don’t let Republicans tell you that Americans are pussies. You’re not a pussy. Vote for the Democrats.”
I’m not sure if he is serious or not about the Democratic ad. I am though. I think it would work.