As a public service to men, Cheryl translates what women mean when they say certain things.
So, as a public service to women, I’m going to tell you what men think when women say those same things.
1. Fine – This is a word we use to end an argument when we are right, and you need to shut up.
Male rejoinder: When we hear you say this word (at the end of an argument), we hear it as you saying "I give up. But I can’t admit it, so I’m going to tell myself I’m right and move on."
2. Five Minutes – If we are getting dressed, this means half an hour. However, five minutes is only five minutes if you have been given five more minutes to watch the game or play (insert brand gaming system here) before helping around the house.
Male rejoinder: Yeah, we know. We’ve already taken that into account. That’s why we say, "We have to leave in 5 minutes" about half an hour before we actually have to leave. But that gaming system think ticks us off.
3. *Nothing* – This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with *nothing* usually end in "Fine" (see #1).
Male rejoinder: We like it when you say "nothing". Because then we get to go about our business undistrubed by you. You go in to the kitchen or bedroom and fume; we get another uninterrupted half hour of World of Warcraft.
4. Go Ahead – This is a dare, not permission. DON’T DO IT!!
Male rejoinder: We do it, and then play the "But you said to". (Maybe even "See, I do listen to you!")
5. Loud Sigh – This is not actually a word but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood. A loud sigh means we think you are an idiot and wonder why we are wasting our time standing here arguing with you about *nothing*. (see #3).
Male rejoinder: Although we don’t think we’re idiots, we wonder why you waste your time arguing about nothing, too.
6. That’s Okay – This is one of the most dangerous statements we can make. "That’s okay" means we want to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
Male rejoinder: Yeah, but we got the statute of limitations defense. When you finally decidehow we’ll pay, the moment has passed. And If you intend to make us pay, we simply go, "Uh, that was last April. What’s wrong with you?"
7. Thanks – We are thanking you. Do not question or faint. Just say, "You’re welcome."
Male rejoinder: We’re thrown by "thanks", especially when it sounds sincere. Sincerity is unusual (see #1, #2, #3, #4, #6, and #9)
8. Whatever – Our way of saying F#%!! YOU!
Male rejoinder: Yeah, but it’s not "fuck you", so we roll with it.
9. Don’t Worry About It, I Got It – Another dangerous statement, meaning there’s something we’ve told you to do several times, but will now take care of ourselves.
Male rejoinder: Suuuucker!